Vera

Vera. She was in town. It had been years since Maggie had last seen her. And here she was, in town, wanting to meet for a drink. The email was excited, almost frantic. She had read it while she was telling a story to Roger and had decided against telling him. Roger didn’t like Vera. So Maggie kept it to herself and replied that she would love to meet and catch up after all these years.

Maggie decided not to go into work that day. When she woke up she was alone in bed, Roger having already gone off. She sat up and thought. The idea of Vera coming back had provoked something in her, an unrestrained energy she always felt when she was around her. Like she could do anything, be anyone. She knew it wasn’t good but she called out of work, got dressed, did her makeup, and emailed Vera that she was gonna be early but that she shouldn’t rush. She didn’t mind waiting. She put on a tight white shirt and a long black skirt and headed out.

Maggie sat at the booth in the bar in the far corner and ordered an espresso martini. She sat and looked around. It was empty. The clock read 11:09 am and she hadn’t eaten. She wondered how she looked to others, the middle aged woman at the bar, 11:09am on a Monday. Maybe they thought nothing of it. Maybe they did. She continued to wonder.

The door soon opened. It was Vera. Undeniably Vera. It was Vera’s smooth coal black hair, her stride, her happy irreverence. Vera’s waist was still the size of a broom. She sported a Dior purse and wore a shiny rock the size of a marble on her finger. You could spot Vera in a stadium.

Vera walked towards the center of the room and looked around innocently. She didn’t see Maggie tucked away towards the back. Maggie watched her. Vera walked and moved with such an effortless stride, as if nothing was off-limits, as if nothing could touch her, as if she owned the world. Maggie inhaled and stood. She smiled and waved.

Vera made eye contact and beamed.

“Maggie!” She rushed over.

They hugged. Maggie smiled and laughed and was filled up by Vera. She smelled like money.

“Vera!” They held each other and squeezed tight and didn’t let go until they finally did.

Vera looked at her.

“Look at you! Oh my god. Oh my god!”

Maggie laughed and blushed.

“Let’s sit!” They hurried their way to the back and sat down across from each other. They laughed more, in disbelief they were sitting across from the other.

“I’m so happy you emailed me, I wasn’t expecting that. And, Jesus, you are still just, fucking gorgeous Vera!”

Vera smiled her wide pearly smile as if it were the thousandth time she’d heard that this week and she loved hearing it all the same.

“Well, thank you gorgeous. It’s all about getting those steps in,” she advised.

“Oh gosh, Lord knows I’ve fallen off that wagon a bit.” Maggie chuckled.

“Well for me it’s all about intention. Like, being intentional about what you want to do in a day, you know? It’s like, if I wake up and don’t have a plan, boy, I’m fucked. I gotta wake up and say to myself: Okay Vera, I know you got 10,000 steps yesterday, but you’re gonna get 10,001 today! Okay baby! C’mon now, you can do it! I’m like a freaking workout coach to myself, like Julian Michaels!” Vera laughed at this. Maggie giggled.

“My gosh Vera, how long has it been? Like, really, how long? Fifteen years? More? It was before Mary was born, I know that.”

“I think so and oh my gosh, how is Mary?” Vera bubbled.

“Oh, she’s a teenager now, so you know.” Maggie made a face.

“My step-daughter Grace just turned 16 and boy.” Vera made a face. “I just let Todd handle all that shit, thank god for that.” She reached over and took a sip of Maggie’s espresso martini and then flashed her eyes. They both broke laughing.

“Speaking of drinks!” Vera looked at Maggie wildly and they broke laughing again. Maggie only had a few sips at that point but already felt drunk.

“Aren’t they supposed to like, send someone over to us and ask if we want anything? Like, damn!”

“I think you have to go over there and order,” Maggie informed.

Vera waved her arms wildly and gestured for the bartender to come over. He hesitated, then walked over from the bar. He stood by the table and made a questioning face.

“Two Manhattans,” Vera ordered in a flat, short tone.

The bartender paused for a moment and looked at Vera. She made an impatient face. He walked back.

“You better drink that quick, honey!” Vera said as she looked her up and down. Maggie cackled and drank down the rest of her glass. She shook her head from the strong taste in the back of her throat. She felt a rush of blood to her head and then felt a bit lighter.

“Todd’s new. I don’t think you know about Todd. I met him while I was with Jamie. Sweet Jamie. That man doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. Not one. Sweet man. But dull. My god, he should be a dentist or something. Hard to believe he’s a portfolio manager at a hedge fund. You think he’d be sexier.”

“I liked Jamie! You were together how long? Two years?”

“Something like that. I’m just, and you know this, a free spirit of sorts. When you live with a dud it starts to feel something like a prison, my god. Thank god for Jamie though, because that divorce money was good,” Vera closed her eyes and embellished the last thought. Maggie reared her head back and slapped the table, laughing hysterically. She settled down after a while and wiped the tears in her eyes away, small giggles still sneaking in small bursts. Vera continued.

“Anyway, Todd’s much better. He’s a real go-getter.” Vera then grinned and spoke in a hush. “And not to mention, the kicker, he’s Jamie’s boss.” This killed Maggie. She could hardly control herself, hardly breathe as her body writhed around the booth seat uncontrollably. Her face was beat red and Vera laughed a little as well.

“Get out of here,” Maggie wheezed.

“I’m not kidding. And poor Jamie has to look him in the eye when Todd is giving his performance review and say ‘yes sir, thank you sir.’ Gosh, I don’t know how he doesn’t jump across the desk and strangle him then and there. I always get a kick when Todd tells me how those things go.”

“Vera, you always have the craziest stories. I don’t know how you do it. I really don’t.”

“What can I say, I have a knack for rocking the boat. Who cares if you get a little wet? Find another boat if you don’t like the one you’re in!”

The bartender came with the drinks and set them down in front of them.

“Thank you,” Maggie looked up and said nicely. Vera immediately sipped her drink. He nodded and walked back.

Vera then took her glass and raised it a little, gesturing a toast.

“To friends.”

“To friends,” Maggie repeated and nodded. The glasses clinked.

They took a big sip each and set them down.

“So, how’s ol’ Rodge Podge?” Vera asked inquisitively. “He still kicking rocks down at the high school?”

“Still teaching All Quiet on the Western Front to the seniors. Doesn’t get old for him. You know Roger.”

Her face flickered with familiarity. “Never changes, that man. Never changes. Like a statue.” She took another drink. She spoke again quickly. “Gosh, Maggie, do you remember all the crazy shit we used to get up to in that itty bitty apartment in New York? I think about that sometimes. And you know what I remember most? I remember when we used to get a little blow and invite strangers over for a party. On some random day like Thursday or something. So random. I still remember you from those days. Old Maggie. She could scarf down a line of blow and run a marathon if she felt like it.”

Maggie laughed. “I remember when we’d spread those crazy rumors about secret orgies taking place at ours and then charge them at the door. We made more in one night than we would working our shitty jobs all week sometimes… What madness. But my god, I’d never had so much fun in my life,” Maggie recalled as she looked into Vera’s emerald eyes. Flashes of the past long long ago flooded Maggie’s memory. A different person. A different life. She looked away. “Whatever happened to those days,” Maggie said distantly.

Vera leaned forward. “I know what happened. Roger happened. That’s what.” Vera then dug into her purse in the space next to her and got something Maggie couldn’t see, keeping her hands under the table.

Maggie looked down and thought. “That’s right.” She began to recall. “That was right around the time I met Roger, wasn’t it?” She looked up.

“Mhmm,” Vera hummed. “Roger put a stop to all that pretty quickly once he got his hands on you. Yes ma’am.”

Maggie thought back to that time. Roger didn’t like Vera one bit. And she didn’t like him. There were arguments, bad arguments, but the memory was hazy and far away and she couldn’t remember the details.

“Maggie. I brought a gift for you,” Vera said, breaking her train of thought.

“Did you?” Maggie asked excitedly.

“Mhmm,” Vera hummed. “Here, feel my hands under the table.” Maggie gave her a questioning look but did it anyway.

Maggie reached her hands under the table, looking for Vera’s. She moved around the empty air until she felt them. Vera opened Maggie’s hands and put a small vial in her palm then closed her hands around it. Maggie looked to her side. The bartender was somewhere else. She pulled out her hand and opened her fist. It was a small, thin vial half full of fine white powder. She recognized it.

“Oh my god Vera. Still?”

“Yes ma’am,” Vera giggled. “Just for fun, sometimes. When things get a little dry.”

“Vera.” Maggie looked over her shoulder again, checking if anyone could see her. “I don’t know if this is a good idea for me.”

“Maggie. Do you trust me?”

“I do, but I don’t know. It’s just been a really long time.”

“I know, which is exactly why I think we need to get you out of this glass box you’re in!”

“Glass box?”

“Yes, honey. I can see it all over you. Listen, I’ve had so many girlfriends in my life who’ve been in the exact same situation as you. Marriages just gets so fucking boring. And life dulls. And who wants to live a life where nothing happens to you? Do you think Roger is gonna give that to you? Does he make you feel sexy? Does he make you feel alive? When was the last time you felt truly alive, Maggie?”

Maggie didn’t say anything. Vera took her hands and held them tight.

“I’m gonna give that to you, so help me God. I’m gonna show you that life is still teeming with possibilities. And above all, you are alive. Okay?”

Maggie looked into Vera’s eyes and felt that familiar feeling. It was the feeling Maggie had felt countless times before: the feeling when Vera wanted something. And when Vera wanted something she had a way of being able to say anything to her and Maggie would believe it, the words drank like honey and spoke to a part of her that was young and beautiful and wild and wanting to be freed. She hadn’t been spoken to like that in a very long time.

“Okay,” she said.

Vera smiled her pearly smile. “Bottoms up!” Vera had her own little vial and sprinkled a little in a tiny spoon.

Maggie shot her a look. “Here?!”

Vera shook her head and shrugged. She scooped a bump into the tiny spoon and held it up to her nose, then inhaled. Her eyes squeezed shut and she had a wild look when she opened them again. She laughed loudly and gave the spoon to Maggie.

Maggie remembered how to do it. She took the spoon, scooped out the blow, held it up to her nose, and inhaled.

A shotgun blast and suddenly a blizzard in her brain, her body teeming with movement and energy. She suddenly felt like she wanted to move, to run, to jump or sprint or sing or scream. She smiled wildly.

“Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.” Maggie’s brain was going a thousand miles a minute. She had forgotten how intense this was.

“Vera, Vera what should we do?” Maggie’s mind flashed with the sudden thought of several things to do but couldn’t articulate the words and stammered instead.

“Maggie. Look at me.”

Maggie looked at her. Vera stared deeply. Her eyes were wide.

“We gotta figure out your life. We gotta go back to your house and figure it all out. And then we’ll know what to do from there.”

Maggie nodded vigorously. Of course. She instantly got her phone and called an Uber.

***

Maggie let Vera in her house and took her to the living room where she immediately began to pace around. “Sit down, Maggie.” Maggie sat on the couch and tapped her leg and gritted her teeth and grabbed a candle and spun the glass around her fingers over and over.

“You gotta divorce Roger, Maggie. It’s the truth. I’ve thought it all out for you. Trust me. Dump him.”

“Why?”

“He’s no good. He’s a dud.”

“Who isn’t a dud?”

“People who aren’t duds aren’t duds. Duds are duds.”

“What’s a dud anyway?”

“A guy who makes $65,000 a year.”

“So what?”

“I know Roger. I’ve seen his soul, Maggie. He wants to control you.”

“What?”

He’s got that greedy and possessive little mind. It’s fucked up, really. He just took you. He took you and he’s stuffed you away in his cave.”

“He didn’t take me.”

“You’re defensive because you don’t want to admit it. You have your little mind defenses up. But I’m telling you he’s got you in his claws and he’s dug in deep.”

“I don’t have my defenses up.”

“There it is. You’re doing it right now.”

“No I’m not.”

“I can see it as clear as day. You’re his little agent now.”

“What’s your problem with him? He’s my husband!”

“How can you still love him?”

“I don’t know. I just do.”

“He’s probably balding. It was already happening when I knew him.”

“He’s 45. It’s normal.”

“Todd isn’t balding.”

“He’s rich.”

“Exactly.”

“So it’s not that he’s not balding it’s that he covers it up.”

“There’s no fucking difference Maggie. There’s no fucking difference. To a stranger’s eyes he’s got a full head of fucking hair and that’s what matters.”

“He’s 45 it’s normal.”

“You have no sense of what’s normal. All you’ve known is Roger.”

Maggie put the candle back on the table.

“Seriously what is your fucking deal with him?”

“I just love you and want you to be happy.”

“How do you know I’m not happy?”

“I can see it in your eyes. I can just see it.”

“We’re having a bit of a cold spell but we’ve been together for like 18 years, that’s normal!”

“Mmmmm”

“What?”

“It’s right in front of you.”

“What is?”

“Love doesn’t last that long and you think it does.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s a big fat lie and it’s pretty much bullshit and everyone changes and no one is meant to stick around that long. It’s just a fact.”

“I disagree.”

“Call it whatever you want but you gotta dump Roger or you’ll never be happy.”

“You’re cracked.”

“You used to be so happy. I remember. And then one day Roger shows up and you beg to be shackled to him. It was pitiful.”

“He never liked you.”

“Good I don’t like him.”

A moment of clarity hit Maggie.

“I remember now. I remember.”

“What.”

“He said you were bad. You were always pushing me. That you were the reason I got so addicted I overdosed.”

“Horseshit.”

“He said you never came by the hospital.”

“That’s a lie, I came.”

“He said if I stayed with you I’d overdose again.”

“If you had that would’ve been your own fucking fault, don’t blame me for shit you don’t wanna admit was your own doing.”

“I never believed it. I never wanted to believe that. How could I have been so stupid?”

“Well you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

Vera stood up, picked up the candle, and shattered it against the wall.

Vera raised her voice. “I’ve always pitied you and still do. I only kept you around because it was cheaper rent and you bought blow. Otherwise you’re fucking insufferable.” Vera began to scream. “Fuck you, you destitute woman! Fuck you!” She stormed out.

Maggie stood and watched as Vera slammed the door.

Maggie listened and soon heard nothing. She suddenly felt alone and sad and began to weep. She wished Roger were here.